We’re getting used to looking out the window in town and seeing a moose. That is, we see neighbours the other side of the road and mentally we draw a moose between them, satisfying ourselves they are keeping the required distance. Some people’s idea of a moose is more calf than adult, and other times the moose must be standing on its back legs, but usually there’s a moose there.
On the other hand, driving out along the Kalix river road the other day there were few actual moose to see. There were few people for one thing, but also few animals. They must all have been taken into town, we thought, for the purposes of measuring out helping us keep safe distances.
Perhaps you could now collect one as you entered a supermarket, bringing it with you to keep people at bay. First collect a trolley from the Trolley Park, and then a moose from the Moose Stall, attaching it to your trolley with the red ribbon provided.
It’s no easy task to manoeuvre a trolley and a moose, but it’s worth practising until you have the knack. The trolley must go ahead of you down the aisle, and then, trailing behind you, your moose. As you lean in to pick the jar of gherkins off the shelf the moose swings its heavy neck to the side, discouraging the approach of a careless youth, who is neatly diverted to another aisle.
Moving to the till area you’ll need to pull your moose tightly in behind you and discourage it from eating till snacks, browsing the magazine racks or befriending other moose in the queue. After paying you can return your moose to the Moose Stall ready for the next customer, feeding it some crunchy birch bark and stroking its nose before you leave.
In town moose might now be wandering the streets, moving between feeding stations, creating a natural distance between people who have to avoid them. Sometimes they lie down, creating interesting barriers on the pavement. Moose on buses and trains might be encouraged to lie down over a row of seats, ensuring passengers are kept apart.
Perhaps some jobs could now be done by a moose, enabling more people to work from home. Information at the tourist office for instance. No-one comes there now anyway and even if they did it would just be their next instagrammable moment.